SPILL THE TEA 🍵 - fufuri - 原神 (2024)

Chapter 1: Usernames!

Chapter Text

「 ✦Usernames ✦ 」

Aether: eether

Albedo: chalk

Alhaitham: alhaitham

Aloy: aloyyy

Amber: FLYHIGH

Arataki Itto: THEONEANDONI

Arlecchino: zaddy

Baizhu: snek

Barbara: barbara:)

Beidou: piratemommy

Bennett: benny

Candace: Candace

Charlotte: SAYCHEESE

Chevreuse: chevreuse!

Chiori: chioriyaboutique

Chongyun: popsicle

Collei: leafy

Cyno: cYES

Dehya: dehyadeeznuts

Diluc: urlocalbatman

Diona: IHATEWINE

Dori: scammer

Dunyarzad: dunya! (yes i love her too much so i added her)

Eula: eulalawrence

Faruzan: callmemadame! (later changed to madam)

Fischl: fishel

Freminet: fremi

Furina: furina<3

Gaming: woushou!

Ganyu: cocogoat

Gorou: dogboy

Hu Tao: walnut

Jean: mother

Kaedehara Kazuha: kazoo

Kaeya: fakepirate

Kamisato Ayaka: ayaya

Kamisato Ayato: BOBA

Kaveh: masterarchitectUwU

Keqing: kaching!

Kiyomi [Kimi] (OC): idrawsmut<3 (later changed to kiyomeow)

Kirara: catgirl

Klee: dodoco!!

Kujou Sara: kujousara

Kuki Shinobu: cookie

Layla: let.me.sleep.

Lisa: mommy

Lumine: lumean

Lynette: lynette

Lyney: magicboy

Mika: mika

Mona: monamegasus

Nahida: twig

Navia: urlocalswiftie

Neuvillette: monsieurnoovi

Nilou: nilou:)

Ningguang: moneymommy

Noelle: favoniusmaid!

Qiqi: iwantcocomilk

Raiden Ei: gimmedango

Razor: wolfboy

Rosaria: vampire

Sangonomiya Kokomi: kokonut

Sayu: ninjasayu!

Shenhe: shenhe.

Shikanoin Heizou: detective

Sucrose: sugar

Tartaglia: toiletcleaner

Thoma: thomathetrain

Tighnari: imakeweed

Venti: ventea

Wanderer/Scaramouche: scarameow

Wriothesley: wriotheSLAY

Xiangling: chefxiangling!

Xianyun: anemom

Xiao: xiao.

Xingqiu: iwritesmut

Xinyan: ROCKNROLL

Yae Miko: foxmiko

Yanfei: IAMTHELAW

Yaoyao: yaoyao!

Yelan: xingqiukinnie

Yoimiya: YOIMIYA!!!

Yun Jin: yunjinnie

Zhongli: zhongli

「 ✦Dorm representative✦ 」

🔥| Pyro: Diluc Ragnvindr (placeholder until Natlan students come back)

🌊| Hydro: Furina de Fontaine

🍃| Anemo: Venti Barbatos

⚡| Electro: Raiden Ei

🌱| Dendro: Nahida Kusanali

🧊| Cryo: Wriothesley Meropide (placeholder until Snezhnayan students come back)

⛰️| Geo: Zhongli Lapis

「 ✦ Nationalrepresentative✦ 」

🍷| Mondstadt: Jean Gunnhildr

🪙| Liyue:Ningguang Jade

🌸| Inazuma: Kujou Sara

🪴| Sumeru: Alhaitham Volans

🍰| Fontaine: --------- Neuvillette

🌋| Natlan: N/A

🪆| Snezhnaya: N/A

「 ✦Dorm arrangements✦ 」

• Anemo dorms:

| Venti and Xiao (1A)

| Wanderer and Heizou (2A)

| Aether and Kazuha (3A)

| Xianyun and Jean (4A)

| Faruzan [single] (5A)

| Sucrose and Lynette (6A)

• Geo dorms:

| Zhongli and Arataki Itto (1G)

| Noelle and Yunjin (2G)

| Ningguang and Navia (3G)

| Albedo and Gorou (4G)

| Chiori [single] (5G)

• Electro dorms:

| Raiden Ei and Yae Miko (1E)

| Dunyazard and Lumine (2E)

| Kuki Shinobu and Kujou Sara (5E)

| Cyno and Razor (4E)

| Fischl and Keqing (5E)

| Beidou and Lisa (6E)

• Dendro dorms:

| Nahida [single] (1D)

| Collei and Kirara (2D)

| Alhaitham and Kaveh (3D)

| Baizhu and Tighnari (4D)

• Hydro dorms:

| Furina and Kimi (1H)

| Mona and Barbara (2H)

| Neuvillette and Ayato (3H)

| Tartaglia and Xingqiu (4H)

| Yelan and Candace (5H)

| Nilou and Kokomi (6H)

• Pyro dorms:

| Diluc and Thoma (1P)

| Lyney and Bennett (2P)

| Hu Tao and Xiangling (3P)

| Yoimiya and Dehya (4P)

| Amber and Xinyan (5P)

| Chevreuse and Yanfei (6P)

| Ga Ming [single] (7P)

| Arlecchino [single] (8P)

• Cryo dorms:

| Wriothesley and Kaeya (1C)

| Layla and Ayaka (2C)

| Ganyu and Charlotte (3C)

| Chongyun and Freminet (4C)

| Mika [single] (5C)

| Eula and Shenhe (6C)

| Rosaria and Aloy (7C)

Chapter 2: who is xiao dating???

Chapter Text

lumean added xiao., walnut, thebettertwin, and 5+ people

lumean made thebettertwin admin

lumean named thebettertwin "eether"

lumean name new group "SPILL THE TEA XIAO 🍵"

eether: LUMINE STOP MAKING NEW GRP CHATS

lumean: no.

lumean: ANYWAYS

lumean: XIAO @xiao.

xiao.: what.

lumean: a little birdy (yanfei) told me yew are dating someone 😇

IAMTHELAW: WTF LUMINE YOU SAID WOULDNT TELL HIM IT WAS ME

lumean: OOPS

lumean: SORRY 🤭

xiao.: yanfei.

xiao.: just wait till i get my hands on you :)

IAMTHELAW: RUNNING FOR MY LIFE RN

ventea: a new group chat?

ventea: LUMI

ventea: EETHER

ventea: MAKE ME ADMIN PWEES 😘

eether: I GOTCHU 😍

eether made ventea admin

ventea: THANK YOU EETHER<3

walnut: OMG ITS MY BAE VENTI

ventea: OMG ITS MY BAE HU TAO

tartagliachilde: WASSUP YALL ITS YO BOY CHILDE

lumean named tartagliachilde "toiletcleaner"

toiletcleaner: WHAT IS THIS SLANDER

zhongli: I believe it is because of your name, Ajax.

eether: HAHA TOILET CLEANER

ventea: SHLONGLI

zhongli: no.

IAMTHELAW: PLEASE SAVE MESWIUHREF

xiao.: the traitor has been taken care of.

lumean: WAIT XIAO PLEASE TELL ME

lumean: WHO ARE YOU DATING

zhongli: Xiao is dating someone? Please do not feel ashamed to tell us Xiao.

zhongli: After all, we'll accept anyone.

walnut: XIAO???

walnut: MY BROTHER PULLED?

xiao.: I AM NOT YOUR BROTHER

walnut: PISH POSH

walnut: YOU ARE NOW MY BROTHER

walnut: I ADOPT YOU

xiao.: THATS NOT HOW IT WORKS

cocogoat: xiao is dating someone?

cocogoat: you won't tell us?

xiao.: im not against telling you guys...

xiao.: but im curious to see how long it takes the twins to find out

lumean: CHALLENGE ACCEPTED

eether: CHALLENGE ACCEPTED

lumean added 75+ people

xiao.: WTF LUMINE

walnut: DAMN WHAT

walnut: I DON'T THINK VENTI KNOWS THIS MANY PEOPLE

ventea: HEY

ventea: I BET I KNOW EVERY SINGLE PERSON HERE

eether: @everyone DOES ANYONE KNOW WHO XIAO IS DATING

gimmedango: what is this??

scarameow: ei??

scarameow: CHNAGE MY NAMR

cookie: ???

detective: xiao is dating someone?? 🧐

detective: time to use my detective skills *runs hands through hair sexily*

cookie: WHAT RHE f*ck

ventea: A FELLOW ROLEPLAYER???

ventea: *lipbites*

iwritesmut: *smirks* hey bbg 😉

iwritesmut: I DO NOT WRITE SMUT

popsicle: your ao3 account begs to differ

iwritesmut: SHUSH YUN

eether: CAN YALL STAY ON TOPIC

eether: XIAO IS DATING SOMEONE

lumean: OUR MISSION IS TO FIND OUT WHO

eether: JOIN US

lumean: AND THE FRUITS OF YOUR LABOR SHALL BE A SWEET AS A BEE

kaching!: what.

cocogoat: as sweet as a bee…?

lumean: dont question it

lumean: 8 year old lumine was a menace

eether: NAH CAUSE HER FACE WAS SWOLLEN FOR TWO WEEKS

eether:*lumineswollenface.jpg*

ventea:HOLY sh*t

xiao.: oh lord

FLYHIGH:OH MY GOD LUMINE???

lumean:STAY ON TOPICCCC

scarameow:i thought it was obvious?

scarameow:hes dating EUFEJFRHRNT

ventea: XIAO STRIKES AGAIN :O

xiao.:i want to make this hard for the twins

lynette: us?

magicboy:us?

xiao.:NO

mom:SLEEP

mom:ITS LATE

ventea:OK MOM

mommy: yes jean darling~

fakepirate:take ur flirting somewhere else please and thank you!

mommy:ok bitchless

fakepirate:SHUT IT LISA

urlocalbatman:can confirm kaeya had been bitchless since childhood

chalk:and he'll be bitchless for the rest of his eternity

gimmedango:eternity??

fakepirate:EXCUSE ME THE SLANDER???

ventea:WE CAN BE BITCHLESS TOGETHER

scarameow:*cough cough*

ventea:SHUT IT SCARAMEOW

scarameow:DO NOT f*ckING CALL ME SCARAMEOW

twig:ahem

scarameow:...

scarameow:fine

scarameow:please don't call me scarameow

ventea:o-ok senpai 👉👈

scarameow: STOP.

ventea: youre so k-kawaii-desu senpai~ 🥺

ventea: ara ara~

scarameow: WHAT.

scarameow: WJAT THE f*ck

scarameow: TAKE ME OUT OF MY MISERY

scarameow: ARURGRGRRNREGIN

scarameow went offline

ventea: and that it how you scare someone away ;)

xiao.:what the actually f*ck did i just read

xiao.:venti.

xiao.:HWAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU

ventea:xiao senpai~

xiao.:STOP RIGHT THERE

xiao went offline

zhongli:One cannot expect much from Venti.

zhongli:But you have disappointed me even so.

ventea:shush old man >:(

mom:IF YOU DONT GO TO SLEEP VENTI

mom:ILL PUT YOU IN A CASKET MYSELF

walnut:did someone say casket :D

Chapter 3: MISSING CAT

Chapter Text

Group chat:SPILL THE TEA XIAO 🍵

ventea:GUYS

ventea:XIAO XIAO XIAO

ventea: XIAO @xiao.

ventea:HELP HUEHUEHUE

xiao.:whats wrong???

lumean:XIAO SHOWING CONCERN??

eether:ITS A MIRACLE

walnut:you don't think...

cocogoat: .

zhongli:.

eether:.

lumean:.

walnut:.

barbara:): .

mom:.

eether:LMFAO THERES NO WAY

lumean:YEA LOL WHAT WHERE WE THINKING

zhongli:They wouldn't date.

zhongli:I wouldn't let it happen.

zhongli:ITS NOT GONNA HAPPEN

eether:zhonglis having a stroke lol

barbara:):i mean...

barbara:):someone like xiao with someone like venti?

walnut:LOL HAHA THAT WOULD BE FUNNY

toiletcleaner:HAHAHA JUST IMAGINE

scarameow:yall are so f*cking stupid

ventea:HEY OLD MAN

ventea:I WOULD MAKE A GREAT SON-IN-LAW

ventea:i mean

ventea:if i was dating xiao ofcs 😇

xiao.: HES NOT MY DAD

xiao.: MY FAMILY IS DEAD

chefxiangling: oh.

kaching!: F IN THE CHAT

piratemommy: F

popsicle: F

iwritesmut: F

walnut: FFFFF

shenhe.: F?

chefxiangling: F

yunjinnie: F

moneymommy: f

ventea:ANYWAYS

ventea:GUYS PPEALSE HEP ME

ventea:THERES A CAT IN MT ROOM

ventea:IM SNEEZING SO HARD RN

ventea:XIAO CAN U GET MY ALLERGEE MEDIXIN

xiao.:just get it out??

ventea:I CANT

ventea:EVEYRTIME I GEt To CLOSSE IT RUNS AWAY

xiao.:k wait im coming

eether:wait how does xiao know venti's dorm room 🤨

lumean: THEYRE ROOMMATES DUMBASS

callmemadame!: aether.

callmemadame!: YOU LIVE IN THE ANEMO DORMS

callmemadame!: YOU ROOM WITH KAZUHA

callmemadame!: HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW THIS???

chefxiangling:aren't they friends anyways??

IAMTHELAW: ...thats one way to put it

xiao.:...

IAMTHELAW:I SAID NOTHING

IAMTHELAW:I SWEAR ON THE LAW

scarameow:i physically cannot do this anymore

lumean added new person

lumean: @everyone WE HAVE A NEW STUDENT

kiyomi: hi?

eether:INTRODUCE URSELF

kiyomi: uhhh ok

kiyomi: some of the inazumans might know me but for the others ill do it

kiyomi: hi im kimi, but if you read manga you may also know me as the manga writer/artist wisteria! (=^ ◡ ^=)

kiyomi: im an art major and transferred from narukami uni <3

kiyomi: ALSO HAS ANYONE SEEN MY CAT

kiyomi: SHES A VERY CHONKY CALICO CAT WITH A PURPLE COLLAR /ᐠ｡ꞈ｡ᐟ\

ventea:OMG YOU ARE WISTERIA???

ventea:I LOVE YOUR ART AND YOUR MANGAS

ventea: how did i go from attempting to gain godhood to becoming a uni student? IS MY FAV ONE FOR SURE

ventea:I LITERALLY HAVE YOUR PLUSHIE

ventea:also i think your cat is in my room so :D

kiyomi: OMG TYSM =^∇^*

kiyomi: also what is your dorm room??

ventea:anemo dorms room 1!!

kiyomi: oki! (=˃ᆺ˂=)

kiyomi: sorry for the trouble!!!

ventea:PLEASE THERE IS NO TROUBLE

ventea:I GET TO MEET MY FAV MANGAKA

ventea:also can you tell me what ur wearing?

kiyomi: uhhh im wearing my lilac merch sweatshirt and kuromi pj pants :D

kiyomi: why do you need to know tho??

lynette: its a funny story actually

xiao.:venti asked kazuha to get him takeout one day

kiyomi: OH I KNOW KAZUHA

kazoo:heyyeyeyeyey

scarameow:UGH DID YOU GET WEED FROM TIGHNARI AGAIN

kazoo:nO

imakeweed: he did.

xiao.:ANYWAYS.

xiao.:so venti asked kazuha to get him takeout oneday

ventea:and someone knocked on the door

ventea:so i assumed it was kazuha RIGHT?

ventea:he was wearing a black sweatshirt and so was the person at the door

ventea:so i just assumed it was him obviously??

ventea:and i open the door

ventea:AND THIS SHORTASS PERSON COMES INSIDE

ventea:AND STEALS MY GUMMY VITAMINS???

ventea:AND THEN RUNS BACK OUT

lynette: he was whining about it for a month

mom:gummy vitamins???

fakepirate:he needs those to grow taller 🥰

ventea:SHUT IT KAEYA

mommy:he is right tho...

ventea:THIS IS SLANDER

ventea:SLANDER I TELL YOU

xiao.:hes right tho

kaching!: YOU CANT BE TALKING

piratemommy:ISNT HE SHORTER THAN VENTI 😂

xiao.: NO I AM NOT

cocogoat: i think theyre the same height

walnut: *side eyes you*

iwritesmut:wait im backreading rn

iwritesmut:WISTERIA???

iwritesmut:OMG

iwritesmut:FANGIRL MOMENT!!!!!!

popsicle:*fanboy

iwritesmut:shush yun

kiyomi: got my lovely cat back! (^≗ω≗^)

kiyomi: *chunkycatinventisarms.jpg*

kiyomi: also thank you sm @iwritesmut !!

kiyomi: wait

kiyomi: hold on

kiyomi: ZHENYU???

kiyomi: OMG I LOVE YOU SM

iwritesmut:OMG WISTERIA IS A FAN OF MINE

kiyomi: OMG OMG AHHHHHH

kiyomi: THE WAY YOU WRITE SMUT IS SO BEAUTIFUL

iwritesmut:THANK YOU SO MUCH

iwritesmut:wait

xiao. took a screenshot

popsicle took a screenshot

piratemommy took a screenshot

10+ took a screenshot

iwritesmut:I DONT WRITE SMUT

xiao.:a little too late for that

xiao.: zhenyu

ventea:CAUGHT IN 4K OMG

ventea:oh wait that reminds me

ventea named kimi "idrawsmut<3"

idrawsmut<3:I DO NOT DRAW SMUT

furina<3: i beg to differ 🤨🧐

furina<3:your nsfw art is a blessing and a curse <3

ventea:UH CHAPTER 96 OF GODHOOD TO UNI BEGS TO DIFFER

detective:ok not to break up this lovely uhhh meeting

detective:are you the inazuman with the short black hair and curtain bangs??

idrawsmut<3: uh yea??

idrawsmut<3:my hair is up till my shoulders btw (=ↀωↀ=)

detective:interesting... *leans against wall sexily*

cookie:PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY

detective:COOKIE 🍪

cookie:bye.

cookie went offline

detective went offline

Chapter 4: dorm rooms and student council!!

Chapter Text

Group chat:SPILL THE TEA XIAO 🍵

9:20 AM

mom: @lumean @eether Is everyone in this group chat?

lumean:yep :D

lumean muted everyone

lumean unmuted mom, furina<3, ventea, 4+

mom:Alright @everyone please listen carefully.

mom:This year, we will have both region and dorm representatives in the student council.

mom:Unfortunately, due to the Incident, Khaenri'ah dorms are irreparable, so the section will be erased. Students from Natlan and Snezhnaya are staying off campus.

mom: Dormrepresentatives:

| Pyro: Diluc Ragnvindr (placeholder until Natlan students come back) @urlocalbatman

| Hydro: Furina de Fontaine@furina<3

| Anemo: Venti Barbatos @ventea

| Electro: Raiden Ei@gimmedango

| Dendro: Nahida Kusanali @twig

| Cryo: Wriothesley Meropide (placeholder until Snezhnayan students come back) @wriotheSLAY

| Geo: Zhongli Lapis@zhongli

mom: Please go to your respective representative if there are any problems regarding the dorms.

mom: Regional Representatives:

| Mondstadt: Jean Gunnhildr@mom

| Liyue:Ningguang Jade @moneymommy

| Inazuma: Yae Miko@foxmiko

| Sumeru: Alhaitham Volans @alhaitham

| Fontaine: --------- Neuvillette@monsieurnoovi

| Natlan: N/A

| Snezhnaya: N/A

mom: Apologies Neuvillette, your first name is not on the student database.

monsieurnoovi: No worries.

mom:Anyways, moving on. The dorm representatives can take it from here.

mom: Unfortunately, there has been a mix up with the dorm rooms. The actual list is posted below.

ventea: Anemo dorms:

| Venti and Xiao 1A

| Wanderer and Heizou 2A

| Aether and Kazuha 3A

| Jean and Faruzan 4A

| Sucrose and Lynette 5A

zhongli: Geo dorms:

| Zhongli and Arataki Itto 1G

| Noelle and Yunjin 2G

| Ningguang and Navia 3G

| Albedo and Gorou 4G

gimmedango: Electro dorms:

| Raiden Ei and Yae Miko 1E

| Dunyazard and Lumine 2E

| Kuki Shinobu and Kujou Sara 5E

| Cyno and Razor 4E

| Fischl and Keqing 5E

| Beidou and Lisa 6E

twig:Dendro dorms:

| Nahida (single) 1D

| Collei and Kirara 2D

| Alhaitham and Kaveh 3D

| Baizhu and Tighnari 4D

furina<3:Hydro dorms:

| Furina and Kimi 1H

| Mona and Barbara 2H

| Neuvillette and Ayato 3H

| Tartaglia and Xingqiu 4H

| Yelan and Candace 5H

| Nilou and Kokomi 6H

urlocalbatman:Pyro dorms:

| Diluc and Thoma 1P

| Lyney and Bennett 2P

| Hu Tao and Xiangling 3P

| Yoimiya and Dehya 4P

| Amber and Xinyan 5P

| Chevreuse and Yanfei 6P

wriotheslay:Cryo dorms:

| Wriothesley and Kaeya 1C

| Layla and Ayaka 2C

| Ganyu and Charlotte 3C

| Chongyun and Freminet 4C

| Mika (single) 5C

| Eula and Shenhe 6C

| Rosaria and Aloy 7C

mom:ok lumine you can unmute them now.

lumean unmuted everyone

iwritesmut<3:YAYYY@furina<3WERE TOGETHER (๑✪ᆺ✪๑)

furina<3:yep yep :D

ventea:XIAO I CONVINCED JEAN TO PUT US TOGETHER AGAIN

lumean:wouldnt xiao wanna be with his gf/bf??

eether:THEY MIGHT NOT BE ANEMO STOOPID

scarameow:sigh

masterarchitechtUwU:WHY AM I STUCK WITH ALHAITHAM AGAIN???

alhaitham:Being with you isn't pleasant either.

masterarchitechtUwU:HEY

imakeweed:oh god theyre gonna be here all day

aya<3: @lumean are u at the uni yet??

lumean: AYA!!!

lumean: I MISS U

lumean: BUT TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION, YES

eether: a few people came in like a week ago

leafy: why??? uni literally starts next week!!

cYES:collei have you seen my limited edition super sonic TCG card??

leafy: i think tighnari has it?

imakeweed:nope

cYES:...

cYES:MY CARD

cYES went offline

idrawsmut<3: im a transfer student so i wanted to get to know the place before starting (=◉ᆽ◉=)

ventea: student council kids have to come early 😓

detective: why not?? its fun

cookie: fun?? you mean going to uni early?? in what world is that "fun"??

THEONEANDONI:I THINK THIS GUY HAS ROCKS FOR BRAINS

cookie:you cant be talking itto

cookie went offline

ventea: wait xiao when are you coming??

xiao.: tm actually.

ventea: WAIT WHAT TIME I WANNA BE AT THE AIRPORT

xiao: 10:00 am

xiao.: im coming with zhongli childe hu tao and ganyu so dont do anything stupid

ventea: YESSIR 🤭

ventea: AWW ITS THE WHOLE FAMILY

xiao.: NO

zhongli: i suppose you could see it like that

xiao.: ...maybe

toiletcleaner: zhonglis the mom, im the dad

toiletcleaner: xiao is the oldest son, hu tao is the younger daughter

toiletcleaner: AND GANYU CAN BE THE PET GOAT!

cocogoat: ...

toiletcleaner: JKJK YOURE THE MIDDLE CHILD

xiao.: YOU WILL NEVER BE MY FATHER

toiletcleaner: progress!!!

toiletcleaner:last time he tried to kill me <3

scarameow:aren't you and zhongli like 2 yrs older than them

hu tao: DETAILS DETAILS

hu tao: BRING IT IN FAM@zhongli @toiletcleaner @xiao. @cocogoat

zhongli: Bring it in?

toiletcleaner: HU TAO IS MY FAV CHILD

xiao.: NO

cocogoat: i have to work...

ventea: moving on from this disfuntional family

ventea: *disfunctoin

ventea: **disfuntional

zhongli: ***dysfunctional

ventea: THANKS BLOCKHEAD

zhongli: The disrespect.

ventea: ANYWAYS

ventea: HERES YALLS DAILY DOSE OF MY BBY DVALIN

ventea: *dvalinsquishednexttoventi'sface.jpg*

xiao. saved picture

xiao.:sorry it was an accident

scarameow: sigh.

walnut: venti.

walnut: bae.

ventea: YES BAE??

walnut: I DONT THINK PETS THIS BIG ARE ALLOWED

iwritesmut<3: HOLY sh*t UR BIRD IS HUGE

ventea: ARE YALL CALLING HIM FAT??

ventea: THATS MY BABY UR TALKING ABOUT

eether: WHY IS IT SO BIG???

ventea: something no one says after seeing your dick 😔

lumean: LMFAO LOW BLOW

eether: STFU LUMINE

xiao.: you cant be talking venti.

lumean: 🤨

xiao.: im assuming

xiao.: he gives off small dick energy anyways.

lumean: NAH FR THO

lumean: OUR SMALL DICKED BESTIE

ventea: XIAO WTF

eether: HAHAHAHA MOTHERf*ckER

ventea: SHUT IT EATER

idrawsmut<3: eater???

ventea: aether → eether → eater

idrawsmut<3: ah.

scarameow: OMG

scarameow: OH MY GOD.

scarameow: IM GONNA ACTUALLY

scarameow: HOW OBLIVIOUS CAN YALL BE

scarameow: GRRRRRRRRRRR

detective:scaramouche furry arc?? 😳

foxmiko: oho~

foxmiko took a screenshot

scarameow: SHUT IT MIKO

scarameow went offline

walnut: so....

walnut: venti's lizard??

ventea: *BIRD

mom: im dealing with this tomorrow

ventea: ehe~

mom: DONT EHE ME YOU LITTLE sh*t

mom: NOW I HAVE MORE PAPERWORK

mommy: jean darling...

mommy: go to bed dear

mom: i apologize for my outburst.

ventea: s-sorry for troubling you s-s-senpai 🥺

mom: venti.

mom: run.

ventea:OH sh*t WHAT THE FEOENWIWRFNI

ventea went offline

furina<3: sigh

Chapter 5: VENTI GETTING BITCHES ARC??

Chapter Text

Group chat:SPILL THE TEA XIAO 🍵

12:03 PM

fakepirate:VENTI GETTING BITCHES ARC???

fakepirate:*venticoveredinhickeys.jpg*

vampire:wait i see him

vampire:he's in the library

vampire:HOLY sh*t DID YOU HOOK UP W A CANNIBAL???

benny:i met a cannibal before :D

mika:what

monamegasus:a regular day for bennett 😔

razor: a

razor: benet st ay insid

benny: thanks for your concern razor 😊

benny: but my ceiling fan fell on me and im in the hospital now 🥲

lumean: BENNETT WHAT RHE f*ck

eether: YOU DONT DESERVE THIS

fakepirate: feel better bennett ❤️

fakepirate: BACK TO THE TOPIC

fakepirate: VENTI WHO DID U HOOKUP W???

mommy: he's suspiciously quiet

razor:s

razor:sus

monamegasus:YES RAZOR

walnut:OH EM GEE WHAT THE FREAK

walnut:VENTI VENTI VENTI@ventea

iwritesmut:OH MY GOD

iwritesmut:VENTI DID YOU HOOKUP WITH AN ALPHA??

mika:a what??

iwritesmut:AM I GONNA INTRODUCE YOU TO ABO??

iwritesmut:ILL BE AT THE CRYO DORMS IN 10

iwritesmut went offline

mika:???

mika went offline

idrawsmut<3:well

idrawsmut<3:hes gonna be scarred for life /ᐠ-ꞈ-ᐟ\

walnut:3

walnut:2

walnut:1

mika:WHAT RHE f*ck

mika:I AM SCARRED

mika: SCARRED

idrawsmut<3:told u so :>

noelle!:oh my venti!

noelle!:that is... a lot of hickeys!

walnut:WHERE IS THIS LITTLE BRAT@ventea

lumean:MONDSTADTERS RISE@mother @mommy @urlocalbatman @benny @fish @wolfboy @vampire @eulalawrence @barbara:) @monamegasus @sugar @chalk @fakepirate @mika @FLYHIGH @favoniousmaid!

eether:ITS A MIRACLE

eether:A MIRACLE I TELL YOU

eether:VENTI IS

eether:GETTING BITCHES

chalk:wow.

sugar:congratulations venti!! i never thought this day would come!

barbara:):NO WAY THAT DRUNKARD GOT LAID

barbara:):OH LORD BARBATOS

lumean:HELP??!!

eether:OMFG BARBARA TOO??

fakepirate:LET US REJOICE

mika:nice job??

ventea:WTF YOU GUYS ARE SO MEAN

ventea:I GET BITCHES

mommy:.

vampire:.

fakepirate:.

mother:sorry venti

mother:.

chalk:.

barbara:):.

ventea:OK f*ck YOU GUYS

ventea: @xiaotheir being mean T-T

xiao:*they're

fakepirate:LMFAO

urlocalbatman:xiao my respect for you has gone up.

lumean:HAH VENT

eether:LOLOL

scarameow:just woke up to venti getting bitches??

scarameow:what next?

scarameow:will cows jump over the moon?? 🫨

ventea:THIS IS SLANDER

ventea:SLANDER I TELL YOU

fakepirate:the real question is

fakepirate:WHO DID U HOOKUP WITH

vampire:im curious too

mommy:who put up with the twink/femboy/starbucks size?

ventea:...

ventea went offline

fakepirate:HEY I NEED TO KNOW

vampire:coward.

lumean:wait

lumean:xiao ur his roomie right?

scarameow:FINALLY

lumean:DO YOU KNOW WHO VENTI HOOKED UP WIT

scarameow:nvm.

xiao:i dont know sorry

eether:imagine if it was xiao lol

lumean:LOL HAH

scarameow:IM LITERALLY GONNA CASTRATE BOTH OF U

lumean:but im not a guy hehe 😝

scarameow: ...

scarameow: ILL GIVE YOU MILLIONS OF PAPERCUTS

scarameow: THEN ILL ROLL YOU IN SALT

scarameow: AND ILL FINALLY DROWN YOU IN LEMON JUICE

kazoo: oh wow.

kazoo: i should write a poem on this...

kazoo: its beautiful 🥹

scarameow: bye.

Chapter 6: who stole the hats??

Chapter Text

Group chat: SPILL THE TEA XIAO 🍵

7:00 AM

eether:WAKE UP BITCHES@everyone @everyone @everyone

lumean:ITS THE FIRST DAY OF UNIIIII

ventea:WTF I WAS SLEEPING

eulalawrence:vengeance will be mine!

FLYHIGH:ughhhhh

xiao:shut up.

xiao went offline

sayu added sayu in group chat

sayu named sayu "ninjasayu!"

ninjasayu!:mood.

ninjasayu went offline

ventea:wtf

BOBA:oh this kid

ventea:u know her?

BOBA:you could say that..

cocogoat: venti where are you??

cocogoat: class starts in 2 min

ventea:huh

ventea:i thought it was sunday??

cocogoat: no

ventea:(๏ᆺ๏υ)

ventea:HO SHIET

ventea went offline

ninjasayu!:i ran out of the gummy vitamins that i stole ☹️

ventea:IT WAS YOU 🫵

foxmiko: checks out ngl

foxmiko: sayus short as hell

ninjasayu!: ...

ninjasayu!: im going so bed

ventea: HEY GET BACK HERE

xiao.: let it go

xiao.: its not like ur gonna get any taller

walnut: so true xiao 🙌

ventea: i hate you all ☹️

------------------------------------------------------------------

Group chat: SPILL THE TEA XIAO 🍵

11:02 AM

kazoo: hat.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Group chat: SPILL THE TEA XIAO 🍵

9:24 AM

scarameow:MY HAT IS GONE

foxmiko:you mean that big ass frisbee?? 🤪🤨

scarameow: BITCH SHUT UP

BOBA: wtf was the screech in the hydro dorms

xingqiukinnie: i heard it too

xingqiukinnie: i am nothing like the second son of the guhua clan.

walnut: but the hair, yelan :D

xingqiukinnie: MY HAIR IS NOT LIKE HIS

xingqiukinnie: EVEN IF IT WAS, I WAS HERE FIRST

xingqiukinnie: HE WOULD BE THE YELAN KINNIE

idrawsmut<3: uh the screech was furina

idrawmut<3: something about her hat being gone??

ventea: MY BERET

ventea: MY FREAKIN BERTE

ventea: (╬⁽⁽ ⁰ ⁾⁾ Д ⁽⁽ ⁰ ⁾⁾)

mommy:my hat is gone :)

mommy: which one of you cuties took it?~

mommy::)

piratekaeya:oh sh*t shes mad

idrawsmut<3:why tf are all the fontainians freaking out??

iwritesmut:most of them wear hats me thinks

idrawsmut<3:oh

idrawsmut<3: welp i dont have a hat so im out 🫡

idrawsmut<3 went offline

urlocalswiftie: MY HAT IS GONE

SAYCHEESE!: MY HAT IS GONE

SAYCHEESE!: MY HATTTTTT

wriotheslay:lmao imagine having a hat

chevreuse!:yes ur not like other girls we get it

lumean:EL EM AYO

eether:ew.

eether:never again lumine.

lumean:um😫 akshually🤓☝️

eether: STFUUUU

scarameow: yea lumine listen to eether for once

eether: *AETHER

lumean: STFU U LITTLE FRISBEE FANDANGO MAN

scarameow: square up little bitch

lumine: FIGHT ME BRAT

scarameow went offline

lumean went offline

eether: tsk tsk

eether: kids these days 😐

lynette: lumine and u are literally twins

magicboy: lumine and u are twins bruh

fremi: hi

lumean: OMG ITS MY CUTIE PATOOTIE ADOPTED BROTHER FREMINET

lumean: ILL TREAT U RIGHT FREMI

lumean: LEMME ADOPT U

lynette: no

magicboy: NO

lumean: YESSS

xiao.: better pay attention lumine

xiao.: scaramouche is beating u rn

lumean: SHUSH CIAO

xiao.: never again. thanks.

walnut: AW MY BIG BRO CIAO SHAO

ventea: AW MY LIL POOKIE WOOKIE DOOKIE BEAR SHEEOW 🥺

zhongli: sheeow?

toiletcleaner: he's tryna say xiao

toiletcleaner: i think???

xiao.: . . .

xiao. went offline

walnut:venti is screwed

walnut:it was nice knowing u bae <3 😣

cocogoat: yea he was with me and he just left

cocogoat: running pretty fast

cocogoat: good luck vent!

cocogoat: *venti

idrawsmut<3: JELP

idrawsmut<3: I WAS AT THE VENDING MACHINE IN THE HYDRO COMMON ROOM RIGHT

cocogoat: xiao.

walnut:WAIT WTF ITS BEEN 2 MINUTES AND HE ALREADY PASSED THE HYDRO DORMS??

idrawsmut<3:hu tao your brother is weird

xingqiukinnie:he should join the track team

xingqiukinnie:ill recruit him when he comes online

cocogoat: i think hes in volleyball already

detective:xiao is here lolol

xingqiukinnie:wow

idrawsmut<3:WTF

fakepirate: JUST HOW FAST IS THIS KID

ventea:GELPEFJNIFWRJjsda'

ventea went offline

lumean:lol rip venti

eether:wait hold up

eether:just scrolled up

eether:xiao u were with ganyu??

eether:are you dating ganyu?

idrawsmut<3:I THOUGHT THEY WERE SIBLINGS WTF

xiao.:NO WTF

xiao.:SHES LIKE A LITTLE SISTER TO ME

cocogoat: GUYS WHAT IS WRONG WITH U

lumean:then r u dating hu tao?

walnut:NO!!!

xiao.:I AM LOSING BRAINCELLS

xiao.:SHES ALSO A SIBLING

eether:zhongli?

xiao.:HES LIKE MY FATHER WHAT

xiao.:I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE

xiao.:IM DATING VENTI OK

lumean:what

eether:what

lumean:WHAT THE f*ck NO WAY

eether:WHATTTTTT@ventea

ventea:what? (◑‿◐)

ventea:oh xiao u told them??

ventea:yes everyone me and xiao are together

ventea:٩(◕‿◕)۶

walnut:NO WAY WHAT

walnut:BAE U DITCHED ME

walnut:WTV UR MY BROTHER-IN-LAW NOW

ventea:YES BAE IM PART OF THE FAMILY

cocogoat: congratulations!!

IAMTHELAW:OMFG FINALLY

scarameow:IKR I WAS LEGIT DYING

scarameow:YALL ARE SO OBLIVIOUS

lumean:i cant believe this

lumean:is my whole life a lie aswell?

eether: @everyoneSCROLL UP

zhongli:?

zhongli:no.

zhongli:NO

zhongli:WHY?

zhongli:XIAO PLEASE

zhongli:WHY VENTI OUT OF EVERYONE

ventea:damn i hate u too bitch

xiao.:...

xiao.:i love him a lot

ventea:aw xiao ilyt <3

zhongli:ADIEFHNOFIHRBFO

toiletcleaner:i think hes having a stroke

zhongli went offline

aya<3:congrats venti and xiao <3

idrawsmut<3:congrats!!!

idrawsmut<3:wait hold up

idrawsmut<3:OMG U TWO ARE THE ONES I SAW MAKING OUT IN THE CORNER YESTERDAY

idrawsmut<3:LMFAO

xiao. went offline

ventea went offline

fakepirate:WAIT SO

fakepirate:XIAO WAS THE ONE THAT GAVE HIM THOSE HICKEYS??

vampire:LMFAO

mommy:venti~

mommy:gimme all the details of ur love life cutie~

mother:leave them alone lisa

mother:congrats btw!

furina<3:congratsss <3

furina<3:never thought id see venti dating someone

furina<3:let alone xiao..

ninjasayu!:congrats.

ninjasayu!:im sleeping now.

aya<3:sayu u slept like 5 minutes ago

ninjasayu!:...

ninjasayu! went offline

Chapter 7: insanity.

Chapter Text

Group chat: SPILL THE TEA XIAO 🍵

3:17 PM

idrawsmut<3:AYAYA@aya<3

aya<3:yea??

idrawsmut<3:i got leftovers from anna!!

idrawsmut<3: u want sum?

aya<3:YES PLS

lumean:hey what about me 😡

aya<3: ill share with u bby 😘

lumean: i love u bby 😍

aya<3: love u too bby 🥰

eether: man shut the f*ck up

lumean:wow the single rat is sour

ventea: @idrawsmut<3 anna??

idrawsmut<3:kiminami anna

idrawsmut<3:have u seen the new inazuman restaurant that popped up?

idrawsmut<3:yea i work at kiminami restaurant

idrawsmut<3:with kirara@catgirl

catgirl:yep yep :D

ventea:OH YEA I NEED TO TAKE XIAO THERE

zhongli:Hello everyone.

ventea:ITS ON MY LIST OF THINGS TO DO

xiao.:you havent touched your to do list in a year

zhongli:The student council has an announcement.

ventea:SHHHHH THEY DONT NEED TO KNOW THAT

xiao.:venti shush zhongli has an announcement

ventea:MY TO DO LIST IS NOT THAT OLDDD

zhongli:Please refrain from texting Venti.

ventea:nah im good :3

zhongli:...

zhongli:You would look lovely with your head hanging on my wall and your skin as a mat. :)

ventea:oh.

ventea went offline

gimmedango:heh

xiao.:oh.

lumean:ZHONGLI???

eether:OMG ZHONGLI

toiletcleaner: omg thats so hot 🤤

toiletcleaner: ride me bby <3

scarameow: Ajax Childe Tartaglia.

scarameow: I will invert your teeth and use it as a back scratcher for Paimon.

lumean: ah yes our dear little sister.

toiletcleaner: chill dude

toiletcleaner: unless u wanna ride me?? /hj

scarameow: take out the half rite now.

eether: rite now

ventea: rite😣😖 now🫣 pookie🥺

lumean: rite neow

scarameow: square up bitch

lumean: FIGHT ME BRAT

scarameow went offline

lumean went offline

ventea: deju vu fr

eether: hold up gotta put a leash on lumi

xiao.: please tell me you were joking

eether: she was awlays a feral kid

lumean: i was always a feral kid

xiao.: sigh

ventea: THE INNER ROLEPLAYING COMING OUT???

detective: *smirks*

iwritesmut:hey shawty *leans on the wall sexily*

xiao.: archons help you when im done with you venti

mommy: oh~

scarameow: NO SPARE ME

scarameow: IVE HEARD ENOGUH OF U TWO

scarameow: THE WALLS ARE SO f*ckING THIN

xiao.: what

ventea: HUH?

fakepirate: 🤯

ninjasayu!: damn yall wilding fr

mommy: venti~

ventea: NO LISA I WONT TELL U ABOUT MY LOVE LIFE

walnut: so.

walnut: who tops and who bottoms??

zhongli: Hu Tao. Please.

ventea: HU TAO WTF

fakepirate: with what dick would venti top??

walnut: wait hes trans??

walnut: bae u didnt tell me? 😢

fakepirate: no he prob has a small dick lolol

xiao.: STOP DISCUSSING THIS.

kaching!: not xiao pulling out the caps lolol

ventea: I HAVE A DICK

ventea: AND ITS THICK AND JUICY

xiao.: VENTI SHUT THE f*ck UP PLEASE

mommy: no i still need to know

mommy: c'mon xiao mondstadt and liyue are literally betting rn

cYES: is betting closed

mommy: unfortunately betting is closed but you can still guess~

cYES: going for bottom venti

masterarchitechtUwU: uhhh

alhaitham: don't even.

alhaitham: unless you want to put yourself in more debt.

masterarchitechtUwU: ALHAITHAM

imakeweed: man just stfu and kiss

imakeweed: i vote bottom xiao btew

walnut: I VOTE TOP XIAO BOTTOM VENTI

fakepirate: same

zhongli: This is a highly inappropriate discussion.

ninjasayu!:bottom venti

detective: yea its pretty obvious

lumean:im going for bottom venti

eether:mmm bottom xiao

toiletcleaner:me thinks bottom xiao

ventea:WE WILL NOT TELL

xiao.:you arent getting any money

scarameow:i volunteer

scarameow:i can hear EVERYTHING through those paper thin walls

scarameow:drumroll please~

mommy:tell us~

fakepirate:PLEASE TELL US

walnut:WE MUST KNOW

mother:i am also very curious

ninjasayu!:i want money

scarameow:its...

toiletcleaner:OMG JUST TELL US

scarameow:bitch stfu u have no need for money

scarameow:anyways

scarameow:its...

scarameow:bottom...

scarameow:venti.

mommy:HAHA PAY UP BITCH@vampire

mother:ahem.

mommy:sorry jean dear...

vampire:ugh

toiletcleaner:DAMN IT

detective:a detective instinct is always right ☝️

cookie:sure...

lumean: HEHEHE @eether

eether:OK ILL PAY U SSTOP LOOKIGN AT ME LIKE THAT

ventea:SCARA

xiao.:raiden kunikuzushi.

gimmedango:im raiden

ventea:no not u ei

scarameow:its what you get AFTER SHAGGING EVERY f*ckING NIGHT

scarameow:MY EARS ARE SCARRED

scarameow: "oh archons, xiao harder~"

scarameow:"spread your legs ven~"

scarameow:BOTH OF U STFU

scarameow:YOU WILL PAY FOR MY THERAPY

detective:wtf how did im literally ur roommate how did i not hear this

scarameow:ur out with kuki literally 90% of the time

ventea:I-

callmemadame!:HELP VENTIS FACE IS SO RED

lynette:Ive never seen anyone this red.

detective:are yall in the anemo common room

lynette:yes

callmemadame!:not to worry!

callmemadame!: I have a picture!

callmemadame!:[a picture of venti as red as a tomato, squished in between one of the couches in the anemo common room]

xiao.:i will murder you, kabukimono.

xiao. went offline

toiletclearner:how many names does he have??

zhongli:This is not happening.

zhongli:This is not happening.

zhongli:This is not happening.

walnut:OH ITS DEFINITELY HAPPENING PEEPAW

ventea went offline

fakepirate:HEHEH IM COMING TO HARASS U VENTI

ninjasayu!:heh

Chapter 8: venti hu tao and furina. need i say more???

Chapter Text

Group chat: SPILL THE TEA XIAO🍵

7:05 PM

detective:sayu wtf are you doing in here

detective:dont u have curfew?

cookie:sayu?? what curfew?

detective:sayu is my cousin lol

detective:she goes to teyvat prep

detective:you know, the hs close to the uni??

cookie:ohhh

detective:anyways,,

detective:sayu u better tell me what ur doing here@ninjasayu!

idrawsmut<3:lol i gave her extra ramen

idrawsmut<3:shes a 10th grader!

idrawsmut<3:she needs food to study! ૮₍ ˶•⤙•˶ ₎ა

ninjasayu!:kimi is right :D

ninjasayu!:thats why shes replacing u as my cousin heizou!!

detective:NOOO SAYU

scarameow:sayus stealing my cousin??

scarameow:yay

idrawsmut<3: DAMN KUNI I THOUGHT WE WERE HOMIES

scarameow:thats was before you put my ringtone as A WHIMPERING AUDIO

scarameow:AND CALLED ME WHILE I WAS IN CLASS

scarameow:SO YES, KIYOMI, WE WERE HOMIES

ventea:kimi we are going to get along very well!

ventea:ehe~

scarameow:u want me to expose more of what u said in bed??

ventea went offline

detective:kimis secretly a devil in disguise??

scarameow:dont let her kaomojis let u think otherwise

cookie:hold up

cookie: ur actual name is kiyomi?

detective:how?

BOBA:i didnt know this

aya<3:bitch i told u 3 days ago

lumean:LMAO AYA??

xiao.:wait i just remembered

xiao.:didnt zhongli have an announcement??

zhongli:Yes, before I was so rudely interrupted byyourboyfriend.

xiao.:i-im sowwy zhongwee 🥺👉👈

zhongli: What the f*ck.

toiletcleaner: WTF

moneymommy: uh.

piratemommy: XIAO STOP GETTING INFLUENCED BY VENTI

walnut: HUEHUEHUE

idrawsmut: what the actual frick frack snikitty snack

chefxiangling!: erm🧐what the actual🤓 frick😣😖 frack🥺 snikitty snack🥴

popsicle: does xiao need an exorcism??

xingqiukinnie: probably

shenhe.: most definitely

yunjinnie: yes

IAMTHELAW: why are all the liyueans online

IAMTHELAW: XIAO????

xiao.: sorry my phone got stolen by ven and tao

xiao.: what happened

ventea: TEEHEEHEE

xiao.: ...

xiao.: venti come here u little sh*t :)

xiao. went offline

ventea: oh shIEONWOEFJ

ventea went offline

walnut: my bae venti 🤧

xiao.: you are next.

walnut:

walnut went offline

ninjasayu!:hey i want cute stickers of me

aya<3:me too!

YOIMIYA!!!:ME THREE!

ninjasayu!:where did u get them?

walnut:lmao i asked kimi@idrawsmut<3to make them

ninjasayu!:can u make some for me pls

idrawsmut<3:actually i have some for everyone (˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶)

idrawsmut<3:check ur dms everyone •ᴗ•

furina<3:

furina<3:HEHEH I LIKE THESE

walnut:YES BESTIE THESE ARE SO AWESOME

ventea:u ditching me bae? >:(

walnut:NO WERE ALL BESTIES

furina<3:LETS BE A TRIO

ventea:WE ARE VENTAOFURI

furina<3:venfuritao??

walnut:taofuven?

furina<3:yes

ventea:

ventea:thats a yes btw :P

furina<3:WE SHOULD MEET UP

walnut:theres a cafe downtown !!

ventea:LETS GO RN

monsieurnoovi:Do not let them meet under any circ*mstances.

zhongli:Agreed.

mother: Defininitely.

ventea:why? >:(

xiao.:...

xiao.:do you remember what happened the last time u and tao met up?

walnut:WE ONLY BLEW UP A FEW THINGS

walnut:and klee and yoimiya were there too :<

xiao.:a few things...?

urlocalbatman:YOU BLEW UP MY DOOR??

ROCKNROLL:DONT FORGET MY GUITAR

thomathetrain: and my teapot...

magicboy:and my special deck of cards >:(

dehyadeeznuts:yoimiya's fireworks blew up in our dorm

FLYHIGH: girl u just bunked with dunyarzad

lumean:worst week of my life

lumean:i felt so single

dehyadeeznuts:girl stfu

aya<3:what was that.

popsicle:am i hearing things???

wriotheslay:what the f*ck was that sound.

fakepirate: i think my ears are blind

urlocalbatman:*deaf

fakepirate:STFU DILUC THERE ARE MORE PRESSING MATTER TO ATTEND TO

cocogoat:MY DORM

cocogoat:MY DORM!!!!

cocogoat:ALL MY PAPERS ARE GONE

cocogoat:ALL MY WORK!

cocogoat:AHHHHHHH

kaching!:girl ur going crazy

xiao.:ganyu what happened???

fremi:i think the dorms blew up

mother:the dorm what.

vampire:dang

vampire: im out

eulalawrence:I WILL HAVE VENGEANCE.

shenhe.:what eula said.

SAYCHEESE:the perfect scoop for the steambird!

idrawsmut<3:whats the steambird??

SAYCHEESE:teyvat uni's official gossip blog!!

SAYCHEESE:run by yours truly! ;)

mika: oh dear...

wriotheslay:who tf did this

wriotheslay:now i have a ton of paperwork

wriotheslay:I DID NOT SIGN UP FOR THIS??

mother:venti.

monsieurnoovi:furina.

zhongli.:hu tao.

furina<3:um.

ventea:oops!

hu tao:aiya!

mother:I WILL SKIN YOU ALIVE

mother: STUDENT COUNCIL STUDENTS COME ONLINE

ventea:uh

ventea:here?

furina<3:...here

gimmedango:present.

twig:everybody hold hands!

wriotheslay:here

urlocalbatman:here

zhongli:Present.

monsieurnoovi:Here.

kujousara:here.

feeblescholar:here.

moneymommy:present.

mother:we have a situation

feeblescholar:i can see that

moneymommy:i am willing to personally donate money to fix the dorms

mother:Thank you so much Ningguang!

moneymommy:however.

moneymommy:venti, hu tao, and furina.

walnut:im here...

ventea:uh yes

furina<3:Present!!

moneymommy:you three will clean the bathrooms top to bottom for the rest of the school year.

moneymommy:Allof them.

ventea:

walnut:

furina<3:

furina<3:Miss Ningguang!

furina<3:surely you can think things through again !!

ventea:PLEASE I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS

ventea:ANYTHING ELSE

piratemommy:aw cmon ning

piratemommy:maybe you can excuse my fellow drinking buddy and his friends??

moneymommy:no.

ventea:aww :(

walnut:aiya! too bad...

xiao.:you all have no one to blame but yourselves

ventea:it was an honest accident!

xiao.:this happened twice venti

xiao.:ganyu and the others have to find somewhere else to stay now.

ventea:...

ventea:fine, it was all my fault.

ventea went offline

xiao.:wait ven

xiao.:i didn't say it was all your fault

xiao. went offline

walnut: ...yikes

mother: @everyonethe cryo students need a place to stay for a week or two.

lumean:ayaka can stay with me! <3

lumean:HEHEH REVENGE ON DUNYARZAD

dunya<3::(

idrawsmut<3:layla can stay with me and furina !! ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ

furina<3:wait don't tell me she slept thru this 😂

idrawsmut<3: lmao lemme ping her@let.me.sleep.

let.me.sleep.:?

let.me.sleep.: oh

let.me.sleep.: yea ill room with furina and kimi

let.me.sleep. went offline

fakepirate: im staying off campus!

mother: where?

fakepirate: with a friend

------------------------------------------------------------------

Private chat: Jean → Kaeya

8:23 PM

jeenie: you're staying with dain right?

jeenie: i need to know for your safety

kae: yep

kae: i already let wriothesley know

jeenie: ok.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Group chat: SPILL THE TEA XIAO🍵

8:26 PM

wriotheslay:uh i need somewhere to go

monsiernoovi:Feel free to stay with Ayato and I.

wriotheslay:thanks neuvi 😍

furina: BACK🤺 BACK I SAY🤺

wriotheslay: okay?

walnut:ganyu can stay with me and xiangling !!

chefxiangling!:yep yep!

cocogoat:thank you :>

chevreuse.:charlotte will stay with me and yanfei.

fremi:i can stay with lyney and his roommate

fremi:if hes fine with it ofc

benny:im in the hospital anyways !! 😁

fremi: oh

fremi: feel better :)

benny: thank you!!

lumean: SO WHOLESOME

popsicle: ill just stay with qiu

toiletcleaner: ahem

popsicle: and childe

mother: Eula do you want to stay with me?

eulalawrence: I will have vengeance for this act of kindness!

eulalawrence: yes please

xingqiukinnie: shenhe's with us

vampire: uh

urlocalswiftie: ur with us!!!

mika: hi

zhongli: I have just been reminded.

zhongli: @eether @lumean

zhongli: Can I have admin privileges?

lumean made zhongli an admin

zhongli: Thank you.

zhongli added gaming and xianyun

xiangyun: one has finally been added to this group chat!

gaming: hello everyone!

shenhe.:auntie, gaming, hello.

cocogoat:AUNTIE?

urlocalbatman: Gaming will be staying in Pyro 7C

zhongli:I suppose mika could room with him.

gaming:no problemo!!!

eether named gaming "woushou!"

eether named xianyun "anemom"

ventea:xiangyun will stay with jean in Anemo 4A!

anemom: one is fine with this arrangement.

mother: i think everything is sorted!

ventea:wait i thought jean was the anemo mom

lumean:no shes just mother in general

eether:hence her user!

ventea:i feel like we're forgetting someone

zhongli:ah.

zhongli added aloy

aloy:wow took yall long enough

ventea:I FORGOT ABOUT U LMFAO

aloy:thanks

toiletcleaner:no way.

toiletcleaner:no way.

aloy:LMAO AJAX???

toiletcleaner:ALOY???

lumean:hello what

eether:spill the tea man

toiletcleaner: she's my distant cousin lolol

lumean:HWAT

eether:HWATN

aloy:never thought id see ur neon ginger hair again

toiletcleaner:we have the same hair

aloy:no.

aloy:im not neon.

urlocalbatman:hell no another snezhnayan?

fakepirate:DILUC IS RACIST CAUGHT IN 4K?!? 😨😰🫢📸📸📸

urlocalbatman:a snezhnayan killed my father.

toiletcleaner:damn uh

aloy:mb shawty

aloy:fr tho

aloy:anyways, i have no where to stay

zhongli:*nowhere

aloy:SHHHH

callmemadame!:you can stay with me!

aloy:THANK YOU WHATEVER YOUR NAME IS

callmemadame!:faruzan!

callmemadame!:its madame faruzan to you!

lumean named callmemadame! "madam"

madam:thank you lumine!!!

------------------------------------------------------------------

Group chat: SPILL THE TEA XIAO🍵

12:06 AM

xiao.:my bf is mad at me :(

eether:wtf happened to him

lumean:im guessing beidou and beer

piratemommy:i didn kno he was gun bee a leighweyt??

cocogoat:*i didn't know he was gonna be a lightweight

moneymommy:oh dear rex lapis

kaching!:i have a body pillow of him

xiao.:KEQING WTF???

kaching!:the real wuestion is

kaching!:how tf do u type with any mistake while durnk???

xiao.:because

xiao.:i want to

Chapter 9: 🔥 SIGNORA IS A BITCH RAHHHH 🔥

Chapter Text

Group chat: SPILL THE TEA XIAO 🍵

9:26 AM

xiao.:hi

xiao.:i have already spilled the tea

xiao.:pls change the name

ventea:no pls bby this name is iconic 🥹

lumean: NO LETS CHANGE IT

eether: COME UP WITH SMTH EVEN MORE ICONIC

toiletcleaner: UGHHH PLEASE HELP ME

toiletcleaner: [ayaka and lumine sitting at a lunch table, ayaka leaning onto lumine's shoulder].jpg

toiletcleaner: I FEEL SO GAWDDAMN SINGLE

lumean: hehehe

lumean: wait ur literally dating zhongli

toiletcleaner: we broke up lol

toiletcleaner: still friends tho

------------------------------------------------------------------

Private chat: Kiyomi → Scaramouche

9:27 AM

kimi: hehehe

kimi: YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS

kuni: no??

kimi: U HAVE A CHANCE WITH TARTAGLIA (∩˃o˂∩)♡

kuni: kimi wtf he's fresh out of a breakup

kimi: so i did some digging...

kimi: they broke up 2 weeks ago

kimi: AND IT WASNT EVEN A MESSY ONE

kimi: THEYRE FRIENDS

kuni: it doesnt matter

kuni: ajax doesnt even like me like that

kimi: we'll make him like u!!!

kuni: im too tired for this convo

kuni went offline

------------------------------------------------------------------

Private chat: Scaramouche → Heizou

9:28 AM

scarapookie!!: omg venti and xiao finally made up

heipookie!!:

heipookie!!:thank god

heipookie!!: i did not want to have to sit thru that sh*t for another 3 days

heipookie!!:yknow i heard a new inazuman restaurant popped up

heipookie!!:reviews say it's rlly good

heipookie!!:PLEASE COME WITH ME

scarapookie!!:...will u pay

heipookie:ugh yes

scarapookie!!:OK ILL COME

heipookie:

------------------------------------------------------------------

Group chat: SPILL THE TEA XIAO 🍵

9:32 AM

ventea: THINK OF GOOD GC NAMES AETHER

eether: IM TRYING

eether: LUMI HELP ME

lumean: IDK EITHER MAN

furina<3: yall suck at this lmao

ventea: u come up with better names then >:(

furina<3: ...

furina<3: have yall seen the live action atla show?

ventea: YESSS IT WAS AC NOT THAT BAD

scarameow: atla???

ventea: omg

furina<3: you don't know...Avatar The Last Airbender??

idrawsmut<3: that show was my childhood fr

scarameow: ohhh

scarameow: yea i watched it

lumean: I LOVED IT

eether: ong it was great

xiao.: tbh i didnt like azula's casting

xiao.: she didn't look that scary

idrawsmut<3: yea i agree

idrawsmut<3: shes supposed to give off like scary, psycotic vibes

scarameow: *psychotic

idrawsmut<3: ANYWAYS

idrawsmut<3: yea i think they shouldve picked sm w sharper features

lumean: WAIT GUYS

lumean: FANCAST ATLA CHARACTERS AS THE GC MEMBERS

scarameow:i vote venti for aang

lumean: agreed

eether:agreed

xiao.:i agree

idrawsmut<3:for sure

furina<3:yes.

xiao.:i feel like aether and lumi would be sokka and katara

furina<3:wait...

furina<3:hm that could work

eether:wait does that mean venti and lumi would end up together

ventea:NO I HAVE A BF

lumean:yeaa no

xiao.:no.

eether:okkkk

idrawsmut<3:okok what about zuko?

ventea:OMG I HAVE THE PERFECT GUY

ventea:KUNI

scarameow:i dont see it.

furina<3:WAIT OMG THATS PERFECT

ventea:AND EI CAN BE OZAI

furina<3:MAKOTO CAN BE IROH

ventea:wait miko could also be iroh

furina<3:how about suki?

scarameow:i think kimi gives off suki vibes

idrawsmut<3:yey my fav character <3

furina<3:how about azula??

scarameow:honestly i think signora would make a good azula

ventea:hate that bitch >:(

lumean:why

eether:do you not remember her kicking venti off the stairs

eether:he was in the hospital for a while

lumean: oh.

lumean:oh yea.

lumean:oh my god i remember xiao got so pissed

eether:HE WAS ABOUT TO GO FERAL

xiao.:i was not.

eether: DUDE YOU WOULVE BEATEN HER UP IF I WASNT THERE

xiao.:...

ventea:wait i did not know about this

xiao.:ok but remember ei

lumean:SHII IM STILL SCARED OF EI A BIT

ventea:???

eether:venti do you not know why signora transfered out

ventea:no??

lumean:lmao ei beat her up

ventea:WAIT WHAT @gimmedango

gimmedango:what

gimmedango:oh yeah

gimmedango went offline

ventea:WHATT

ventea:wtv she deserved it for kicking me down the stairs >:(

furina<3: precisely why signora would make a good azula !!

ventea:tbh mei could be azula too

ventea:since shes kuni's sister as well

toiletcleaner: wait i thought ei was scara's sister??

idrawsmut<3:kuni has 3 sisters: ei, mei, and makoto.

scarameow: ei and makoto are the oldest, then me, then mei.

toiletcleaner: huh

toiletcleaner: u learn smth new everyday

toiletcleaner: wait where is mei then?

scarameow:shes a senior is hs

toiletcleaner: and makoto?

scarameow:she goes to celestia uni

ventea:my twin goes there !!

mother:you have a twin??

mommy:dang

fakepirate:EXCUSME

urlocalbatman:oh my god theres another one

ventea:lol my twin isn't really like me

ventea:he's like,,, an angel ig

ventea:which is why my parents love him more

lumean:oh.

urlocalbatman:sorry

urlocalbatman went offline

ventea:what did i do??

eether:venti we love u

lumean:yes we do <3

xiao.:yes we love u

furina<3:WE LOVE U

scarameow:i dont hate being around u

ventea took a screenshot

ventea:THANK YOU GUYS OMG UR GONNA MAKE ME TREAR UP

ventea:KUNIIII OMG THIS IS THE NICEST THING UV SAID TO ME

ventea:anyways... who is ty lee???

idrawsmut<3:i vote hu tao@walnut

xiao.:oh yea for sure

walnut:I ACCEPT MY ROLE WITH PRIDE :DD

furina<3:what about mai?

lumean:mei could work

scarameow:I AM NOT ENDING UP WITH MY SISTER WTF

lumean:sh*t I FORGOR

eether:LMAO LUMI

idrawsmut<3:guys i love suki

scarameow:we know

idrawsmut<3:shes so badass

scarameow:we know

idrawsmut<3:you have a praise kink

scarameow:we know

scarameow:NO I DONT WTF

ventea, xiao., furina<3, and 3+ took a screenshot

Chapter 10: jail trip !!

Chapter Text

Group chat: SPILL THE TEA XIAO 🍵

ventea:Hello.

xiao.:who are u

xiao.:venti doesn't use punctuation or capitalize his words

eether: lmao

ventea:NO ITS ME 😭

ventea: uh

ventea: i may or may not be in jail right now

lumean: venti what the f*ck

kazoo: i knew it would happen eventually

xiao.: ...

eether: what did u even go to jail for???

ventea: ...

ventea: i accidentally stole a DDR machine

xiao.: YOU WHAT

furina<3: HOW THE f*ck DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY STEAL A DDR MACHINE

ventea: and a box of cheerios 🤪

kazoo: "and a box of cheerios" 💀

ventea:

lumean:venti try not to do something stupid for 10 seconds: failed

ventea:IT WASNT MY FAULT

ventea:KUNI WAS WITH ME

ventea:HES RIGHT NEXT TO ME RN

scarameow:YOU ROPED ME INTO THIS YOU LIL sh*t

scarameow:IM GONNA KILL U WHEN WE GET OUT

ventea:I WASNT THE ONE THROWING GANG SIGNS AT A CASHIER WHO WAS AN EX-POLICEMAN

scarameow:HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW HE WAS AN EX POLICEMAN???

ventea:YOU DONT GO THROWING GANG SIGNS AT STRANGERS !!!

xiao.:let me get this straight

xiao.:you and scara are in jail

xiao.:because you stole a DDR machine and a box of cheerios

ventea:and because kuni was acting like a gangster

xiao.:and because kuni was acting like a gangster

scarameow:yeah u got everything

ventea:wait no i also stole tampons

xiao.:WHAT THE f*ck WOULD YOU NEED THAT FOR

ventea:i paint it to look like a rat and leave it in kaeya's room 😇

fakepirate:THAT WAS YOU??

fakepirate:f*ck YOU

ventea: 😇😇😇

xiao.: i'll bail you two out

ventea: YAY TY XIAO ILYSM

xiao.: but when we get home you and i will have aseriousdiscussion.

ventea: but i dont want to have a serius dicisusion

ventea: dicussion

ventea: disscusion

ventea: dicusion

zhongli: discussion

ventea: yes thanks blockhead !!

zhongli:ew.

ventea:STFU

ventea:their taking our phones away 😓

zhongli: *they're

ventea: yea yea wtv

walnut: ok i just backread 🤭

walnut: YESSSSS

walnut: VENTI, KAEYA, CHILDE, OR ME GOING TO JAIL IS CROSSED OFF THE 2024 BINGO CARD

walnut: also xiao can i come with u ٩(◕‿◕｡)۶

xiao.: no

walnut:╭∩╮( •̀_•́ )╭∩╮

xiao.: no.

fakepirate: DAMN IT WHY DIDNT I HAVE THAT SPACE

toiletcleaner: ☹️

scarameow:WAIT A DMAN MINUTE

scarameow:VENTI DID U DO THIS ON PURPOSE

scarameow:JUST TO GET SMTH OFF UR f*ckING 2024 BINGO CARD CROSSED OFF???

ventea:ehe

ventea:no?

ventea: y̶e̶a̶ I̶ t̶o̶t̶a̶l̶l̶y̶ d̶i̶d̶

xiao.:VENTI U GREMLIN

xiao.:U CAN ROT IN THE COLD DIRTY JAIL CELL TONIGHT

scarameow:NO XIAO GET ME OUTTA HERE

scarameow:PLEASE

xiao.:u f*cking owe me kunikuzushi 'scaramouche' kabukimono raiden

idrawsmut<3:damn the government name got pulled out

scarameow:YES PLEASE NOW GET ME OUTTA HERE

scarameow:I THINK VENTI PISSED OFF OUR CELLMATE

fakepirate:thats standard venti behavior

toiletcleaner:honestly yea

xiao.:ok so what's the problem

scarameow:NO U DONT GET IT

scarameow:THAT GUY'S THIGH IS THE SIZE OF VENTI'S WAIST

scarameow:HES GONNA LAND HIMSELF IN THE HOSPTAL

scarameow:AND DRAG ME WITH HIM

furina<3:y'know that sounds like wriothesley

wriotheslay:thanks

wriotheslay:im a gym rat 💪🦵

scarameow: GET ME OUTTA HERE

xiao.: im going to f*cking kill venti when I get there

xiao.: MAKE SURE HE DOESNT DIE SCARA

xiao.: MY ETA IS 2 MIN

scarameow: IM CONCERNEDD FOR MY LIFE THANK YOU VERY MUCH

kazoo: me an heizou r with xiao too

⋆.˚✮🎧✮˚.⋆

"He is so f*cking stupid," Heizou chuckled. Xiao sighed.

"That's why I'm in love with him."

"I think its sweet," Kazuha lazily grinned.

"Are you on weed?"

"...No."

"LIAR!" Hu Tao popped up from the trunk.

Everyone screamed as Xiao swerved the car, only narrowly avoiding a car crash.

"WHAT THE ACTUAL f*ck? TAO?" Xiao shrieked.

"Uh... actually I'm here too." Furina popped up, the two girls side by side in the truck.

"WHAT THE HELL? I COULD HAVE A HEART ATTACK AND CRASHED THE CAR!"

"Why are you two even here?" Kazuha asked, confused.

Furina spoke up. "Hu Tao dragged me into this!"

Everyone turned to look at Hu Tao, who just shrugged.

⋆.˚✮🎧✮˚.⋆

Group chat: SPILL THE TEA XIAO 🍵

walnut:just got venti and scara out 😍

idrawsmut<3:i thought xiao didn't let u go ( •̀ - •́ )

walnut:hehe

walnut:

fakepirate:hehe?

toiletcleaner:...u snuck in didnt u?

ventea changed idrawsmut<3 username to "kiyomeow"

ventea:u match with scara now !!

scarameow:ew its my cousin

scarameow:

kiyomeow: BROTHER EUGHHHH (•᷄ࡇ•᷅ )

ventea: family in their natural habitat 🦍

scarameow:WE ARE FREEEEEEE

scarameow:THE AIR IS SO FRESH

xiao.: he just f*cking kissed the crusty sidewalk

kazoo:ily but i am NOT kissing u until u wash ur mouth

scarameow:LEAVE ME ALONE I THOUGHT IT WAS MY LAST DAY ON TEYVAT

kiyomeow:...what

scarameow:sh*t

kazoo:...

kazoo:bye bye

kazoo:

kiyomeow:scaramouche.

scarameow:I WAS WAITING FOR THE RIGHT TIME TO TELL U OK

kiyomeow:IVE BEEN TRYING TO SET U UP WITH EVERYONE

kiyomeow:JUST TO FIND OUT U HAVE A BF???

scarameow:IM SORRY I OWE U ONE

kiyomeow:...

kiyomeow:i want udon noodles, omelette rice, mixed yakisoba, and sweet shrimp sushi ASAP

kiyomeow:oh, and dango milk !!

kiyomeow:thank you scara ( ˶ˆᗜˆ˵ )

scarameow:i despise you and your existence

kiyomeow:lyt cuz <3

Chapter 11: THE SPIRIT OF ROCK N' ROLL 🔥🎸

Chapter Text

Group chat: SPILL THE TEA XIAO🍵

THEONEANDONI:WASSUP DUDES AND DUDETTES

ninjasayu!:its too early for this.

THEONEANDONI: 🔥🔥🔥I, ARATAKI ITTO INVITE YOU TO MY RAD RADICAL ROCK N' ROLL CONCERT🔥🔥🔥

THEONEANDONI:

THEONEANDONI:BE THERE OR BE SQUARE

ninjasayu!:dont rad and radical mean the same thing

cookie:hes been planning this for a month

cookie:please try to be there so we can get this over with

cookie:especially the inazumans

ROCKNROLL:YOU HAD ME AT ROCK N ROLL

THEONEANDONI:XINYAN MY DUDE

cookie: *dudette

THEONEANDONI:WILL YOU BE ON STAGE

ROCKNROLL:HELL YEAH

ROCKNROLL:

THEONEANDONI:THIS IS AWESOME

THEONEANDONI:LETS MEET UP AND PRACTICE

THEONEANDONI:

ROCKNROLL:BE THERE IN A SEC

ventea:HEY I WANNA PERFORM TOO

lumean:u gonna rock n roll on the lyre? 🤨

ventea:I HAVE MY VOICE

ventea:WAIT GUYS @xiao. @detective @kazoo @scarameow

ventea:WE SHOULD BE A GROUP

ventea:

xiao.:i think the f*ck not

ventea:PLEASEEEE IT WOULD BE SO FUN

detective:i know how to play the keytar 😏

scarameow:

ventea: CMON SCARA I KNOW YOU CAN PLAY ON THE DRUMS

scarameow: fine

kazoo: i can do bass

ventea: YAY

ventea:

ventea: XIAO WE'RE ONLY MISSING U

ventea: pls pls pls 🙏🙏🙏

xiao.: i dont play any instruments

ventea:

kazoo:
detective:

scarameow:

scarameow: xiao.

scarameow: u have a guitar in ur room.

kazoo: i just remembered the guitar incident 😂

kiyomeow: guitar incident??

kaching!: wait this is so funny lmfao

kaching!: so xiao got into a fight with someone last year

kaching!: and the guy tried to snatch xiao's e-guitar off his back

detective: e-guitar??

scarameow: electric guitar now shush

kaching!: ok so the guy accidentally broke one of his strings

kaching!: AND YOU KNOW WHAT XIAO DID???

kaching!: HE f*ckING THREW THE GUY OUT OF THE WINDOW 😂

kiyomeow: 💀💀💀

kiyomeow: remind me to never touch xiao's guitar (ᵕ—ᴗ—)

ventea: NO CAUSE I FREAKING BROKE ONE OF HIS STRINGS AND HE WOULDNT TALK TO ME FOR A WEEK (˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )

xiao.: and i would do it again

scarameow: no u f*cking wouldn't 💀

scarameow: u and i both know u were dying on the inside

kiyomeow: wait why did xiao get into a fight

kiyomeow: and how tf did he not get kicked out??

detective:i think the guy was harassing ganyu

xiao.:that f*cker tried to touch her when she was walking to class too

xiao.:i should've done worse but ganyu stopped me

cocogoat:i didn't want u to get kicked out ☹️

xiao.:it would've been worth it to put that mf 6 feet under

walnut: everyone was too scared to ask ganyu out after that 💀

xiao.: good.

xiao.: no one is good enough for her

walnut: he also tried to take a picture up my skirt !!

xiao.: HE WHAT.

detective: oh my god what

ventea: WTF BAE

kazoo: hu tao u should report him

scarameow: OH HELL NAH 🤢🤢🤢

xiao.: WHEN I SEE THAT f*ckING MOTHERf*ckER HES GONNA BEG FOR MERCY.

xiao.: THE PIECE OF sh*t WILL BE PUT INTO A COMA.

walnut:ITS FINE I THREATENED TO SEND HIM TO AN EARLY GRAVE

walnut:i think he only left because a teacher came tho ☹️

xiao.: but if I ever cross paths with that little bitchass, i'll cut off his fingers one by one and then disembowel him.

scarameow: i think ningguang convinced the admin not to kick him out

detective: more like threatened them

------------------------------------------------------------------

Private chat: Ganyu → Keqing

yuyu:we have to tell him at some point

keqinggg: 💀

keqinggg: im gonna be six ft under the second u tell him

keqinggg: DO YOU WANT TO SEE ME DEAD 😭

yuyu: YOU'LL BE FINE

yuyu: ...hopefully

keqinggg: ...

------------------------------------------------------------------

Group chat: SPILL THE TEA XIAO🍵

ventea:ANYWAYS

ventea:XIAO PLEASEEE

xiao.:huh

xiao.:oh

xiao.:no

ventea:PLEASE I BEG YOUUUU

ventea:ILL DO ANYTHING

xiao.:...

xiao.:anything?

ventea:YESSSS (˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )

xiao.: u have to wash my motorbike whenever I ask u to

xiao.:for a three months

ventea:

ventea:NU

ventea:JEFIJFFW

ventea:I HATE CLEANING

xiao.:trust me, i know

ventea:IRFUERFI

ventea:if this is the price to pay...

ventea:so be it.

ventea:*stares off into the distance with cowboy music playing in the background*

xiao.:what the f*ck

cocogoat:did u get dropped on the head as a baby or smth??

xiao.: YU???

kaching!:YUYU WTF

iwritesmut: she really said i'm tired of ur sh*t venti

ventea:is my purpose in life just to get bullied?? ☹️☹️☹️

xiao.:yes.

cocogoat:yes

detective:yessir 🤠

scarameow:yeah

kaching!:yes

furina<3:mhm

kazoo:yes

kiyomeow:yea

iwritesmut:yes

zhongli:Yes.

ventea: f*ck yall ╭∩╮( •̀_•́ )╭∩╮

scarameow:no thanks

kazoo:im good

ventea: ew

ventea: anyways

ventea: when is the concert??

THEONEANDONI: NEXT WEEK

ventea: die Scheiße

ventea:LETS GET TO WORK KIDS@xiao. @scarameow @kazoo @detective

xiao.:kids?

ventea:bcz I'm older

xiao.:yea ur a grandpa

xiao.:need a cane?

ventea:WHY U BOOLEE MEH

xiao.:the fucj???

xiao.:i thought we left this in 2020

ventea:IM BRINGING IT BACK

xiao.:no

detective:no

kazoo:no

ventea: (•᷄‎ࡇ•᷅ )

ventea: weres scara??

kiyomeow:HES WITH ME LOLOL

kiyomeow:he saw me doing my daily pilates work out and was like "i bet it's easy"

kiyomeow:bitch tf?? (≖_≖ )

kiyomeow:and i was like lets see u do it !!

kiyomeow:hes dying now <333

kiyomeow:[a picture of scaramouche on a lilac yoga mat, sweating like crazy and sprawled out. kimi's cat mochi is perched on the couch, looking smugly at him].jpg

ventea:LMFAO IM SAVING THIS

xiao.:tell him to haul his ass here or pilates will be the last thing he worries about

kiyomeow:he says f*ck u

kiyomeow:and that he's coming in 5 min.

scarameow:HOW TF DO U DO THAT EVERY DAY???

kiyomeow:HOW DO YOU THINK I EAT SO MANY CARBS BUT STILL HAVE ABS?? 😂

scarameow:IDK MAGIC??

kiyomeow:...

kiyomeow:mochi needs attention

kiyomeow:bye !! ( ᵔ ᗜ ᵔ )🖕

scarameow: EFOIERFPREIF

ventea:COME FASTTTT

ventea, xiao., detective, scarameow and kazoo went offline

mother:we have new students@everyone

mother:please welcome them!

eether added arlecchino and chioriyaboutique

arlecchino:hm.

arlecchino:this is the infamous chat my children have been talking about?

magicboy:father!

lynette:hello father

fremi: 👋

wriotheSLAY:u have kids??

magicboy:father is a title in the fatui club!

monsieurnoovi:You are part of the Fatui?

arlecchino:Yes.

arlecchino:As a matter of fact, I'd like to properly introduce myself.

arlecchino:I am Arlecchino, the fourth of the eleven Fatui harbingers.

IAMTHELAW:another harbinger??

madam:whos the other one???

aloyyy:my distant cousin Ajax Childe Tartaglia!!! 🥰

madam: WHAT

madam: TARTAGLIA??

madam: AS IN GINGER TARTAGLIA??

toiletcleaner: huh??

lumean:THERE IS NO OTHER TARTAGLIA

madam:I am dead.

madam:Disceased.

madam:How did I not know this?

toiletcleaner:idk man

furina<3:oh hell no

furina<3:why the f*ck is she here???

arlecchino: hello miss furina.

furina<3 went offline

arlecchino: imerely greeted her.

arlecchino:?

monsieurnoovi:It might have something to do with how you cornered her to see if she had the hydro master keycard on her.

arlecchino:but i did not harm her?

monsieurnoovi:You certainly seemed like you were going to.

monsieurnoovi:And you gave her quite a scare.

gimmedango:ah the fatui

gimmedango:i ran over one of the harbingers with my car once

gimmedango:la senorita or smth

gimmedango:she left Celestia uni I think

arlecchino went offline

gimmedango:ugh I'm hungry

foxmiko:come over

foxmiko: i have dango !!

gimmedango:im comjng

gimmedango, foxmiko, toiletcleaner, and 3+ went offline

lumean renamed arlecchino "zaddy"

magicboy:lumine what the f*ck